So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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