Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
