bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
