i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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