oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
