i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
