her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
