South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
