he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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