The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
