I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
