So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
