Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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