I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
