Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
