..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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