Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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