i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
