Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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