dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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