My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
