hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
