Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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