Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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