Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
