That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you traded sex for a burrito?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize