If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
