I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
