allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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