i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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