your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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