You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
