I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
