It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
