The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize