I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
