Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Help. Why am I so naked?
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