Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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