I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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