dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
