my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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