Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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