I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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