You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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