Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
