I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
