you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
