I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
