Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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