I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
there's paper in my vomit.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
