Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize