K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
