why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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