I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
