Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize