Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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