A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
