Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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