I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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