You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
