they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
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took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
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The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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