Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
