ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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