You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my shit smells like andre
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
