Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
