youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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