I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
