This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
