Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Soap is not a condiment
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
