I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
