My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
