you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
