He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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