Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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