so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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