so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
