She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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