ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
