perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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