you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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