Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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