You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
