I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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