I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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