im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
