my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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