I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
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Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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