Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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