Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
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Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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