After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
