You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
