atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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