Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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