he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
